TOW #27: "The Girls Who Went Away" (IRB)

Upon reading The Girls Who Went Away, I've found myself come to terms with the fact that I may never understand what it was like to live in the oppressive culture of the 1940s to 1970s, where women were shamed for having sex and men were praised for it. It seems easy to compare that sort of dichotomy to today's world, but this goes beyond social stigma. Girls who were pregnant out of wedlock were sent away, hidden from family and friends, and forced into isolation for reasons they could not control. Most were presented with a single option - to be sent away and surrender their child for adoption - and saw this as a punishment for something they had done wrong.

The use of firsthand, eyewitness testimony from birth mothers attests to these extreme conditions, and is an eye-opening and emotional look at the impact the loss of their child has had on them. Many times when adoption is discussed, it is from the viewpoint of the adopted child, very seldom that of the birth mother. One mother recalls, "I couldn't talk about what had happened to me, about my daughter and giving her up, because every single person I told the story to judged me." (23) The haunting imagery of induced labors with nobody by your bedside, and young girls being sent away as though they were no longer 'useful' to the family is extremely painful to read. It feels as though these atrocities are happening to me personally, which makes for a very compelling argument.

Additionally, the author's own perspective adds a layer of credibility and an appeal to ethos to the argument. Ann Fessler was adopted herself, and in the beginning of the book recounts her experience with reaching out to her mother forty years after she gave Ann up for adoption. It makes these interviews seem more personal, and, as Fessler comments herself, gives a nuanced perspective to issues that are too often seen as black or white, right or wrong. The book is also extremely researched, not solely relying on firsthand accounts to give life to the social climate of the 1940s through the 1970s. Fessler includes citations and other works detailing the lives of young women in America, and how sex education was incredibly limited, if present at all.

Most importantly, The Girls Who Went Away asks readers to think and evaluate the society they live in, and compare it to that which she portrays. Have we really come all that far from the days of birthing homes for unwed mothers and parents sworn to secrecy to protect the 'family honor'? Have we really escaped the toxic culture that puts the blame on the young girls that fall victim to rape and sexual abuse, and not the men who are the active abusers? While we may have made steps towards change, there is still much to be done with the culture surrounding sex and pregnancy in America.